so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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