best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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