I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
my liver is dry heaving
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
