dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
