Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
