You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
