Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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