He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
