At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
