Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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