the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
