Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
