I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
