I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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