just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
