The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
