How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
