Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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