You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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