walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
