are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
