she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
