Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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