I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
