mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
