somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
