these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
