:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
