i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
