AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
