Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
