found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
