Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
