It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
