i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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