You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
