I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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