Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
