dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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