When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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