3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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