Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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