Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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