when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
