If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
