If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
