Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
