I feel great
I just peed on a car
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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