He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
