Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
two words...techno handjob
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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