you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
