Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
