I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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