I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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